Midnight Musings: 10 Things at 23

Hey everyone!

So I turn 23 today! Yes, today.

Okay, let's put that aside. Fair warning, this will be a WORDY post.

My mind is pretty much very VERY awake at night and I'm sure some of you out there have that problem too; where you're lying on your bed trying to sleep, but suddenly your mind casually decides to forcefully make you reflect on everything in life. Be it the good stuff, or things that you regret saying or doing (Or NOT saying or doing). Thus, keeping you awake for several more hours and possibly making you fall asleep feeling crappy.

I thought I'd share some of my midnight musings with you guys? To... I don't know, perhaps just make my lifestyle blog a little more personal? Also, to let off some steam. Some of you might know, I'm starting my final year in uni in August so a lot has happened in the past two years that I've been in Lasalle, AND also, before I entered into uni. I've felt myself change and I've come to accept things that I previously could not.

Just a disclaimer, these posts are solely based on MY opinions and are of course, from my own experiences. I'm not a lifestyle guru or anything and I've been blessed with a comfortable life so I've my own set of problems which may seem like small things to some people. Let me just put it out there: I do not intend to defame anyone or make fun of anyone whatsoever. These are just purely my thoughts on my own life so far. I've a feeling these Midnight Musings posts will come across to some people as complacent rants, which they may be, but hey, you can't get more personal than this in a blog, right?

Now, with that aside, here are 10 things that I've come to accept at 23.

1. Toxic people in your life NEED TO GO

No matter where you go, there will always be the wonderful people, and the people you want to steer clear away from. Unfortunately, some of those seemingly awesome people sometimes turn out to be toxic, and by that I mean they literally weigh you down, make you do things that are against your own principles, make you question yourself etc. Basically, they're a negative influence in your life, be it emotionally, physically, socially or mentally. 

Sometimes it hurts to let go of these people because you've grown so close. I severed one of my own friendships, obviously, I will not name the person, but it was high time I stopped trying to change that person/hoped that person would change and hope that they would wake up from their delusional mindset. I found that I was so much more carefree and happy without that person in my life, sure, it may have seemed cruel or mean since we've been friends for years, but some people will never change and if they're negatively influencing your life, you need to cut them off. 

2. Your feelings don't always matter

I made it a personal rule that I need to put my feelings aside when I'm at work. As robotic as that may sound, I suppose having your feelings in the way (mind you, I'm a VERY sensitive person) hinders your workflow. I've made it a point to force myself to focus on what gets the job done well and unfortunately, worry about feeling emotionally exhausted a few days later when I reflect on all the mean things I may have said to people or vice versa. 

3. Bridges will be burnt.

Similarly to my first point, but I'd say this is more about accepting that not all your friends will stick by you. In a sense, you let go of some people, some people let go of you. Sometimes, people will get 'too busy' for you or they get popular and they treat you like you guys have never met. I guess it happens more often in the industry that I'm in and I guess that probably forced me to chose my friends a lot more wisely.

But that's not the point, these people teach me to treasure what I have. I've been blessed with close friends who care so much about me and who take the time to get to know me. That's where I want to focus my energy on.

4. People will misunderstand you.

When you want to help your friends grow, and they do not accept your words of advice, both parties will get hurt. It's inevitable.

When you have a resting bitch face like I do, people will think you're a snob if they don't bother to talk to you and get to know you. It's inevitable.

When you're trying to get all your things in order during a busy schedule and you need your space, people start to think you're ignoring them because you're too good for them. It's inevitable.

People will say and think what they want to. There's nothing you can do about it except not let it affect you and just let karma do its job. There are so many more things, I'm sure some of you out there would be able to relate and have your own examples, but the sad thing is, we need to get over it because some people don't like/want to hear others out.

5. Shit happens. For a reason.

No matter where you go, there will always be that ONE person that pisses you off. No matter how hard you prepare for something, anything can go wrong. I say 'can' because bad things don't always happen. An important note to self (and anyone reading this): Don't let the bad stuff get you down because there are so much more to life than the crap that happens. 

The bad stuff that happens will only break you when you let it. 

Let it build you, not break you. 

Also, another something about choosing the people that you hang out with, when I had a bad breakup back in 2014, I felt like the world was going to end. I couldn't eat or sleep, and it took me a few solid months to get back on my feet. 

When I started uni, I met someone new, and it made me realise why my previous relationship had to end. That breakup made me realise that I can do better than my previous relationships and I've been belittling myself the whole time. The previous relationships didn't end too well either and I always thought there was something wrong with me. This time, I was able to realise that it isn't always my fault, it just wasn't meant to be. I deserved better and now I could not be luckier and happier.

The other thing about meeting W in uni was that I wasn't looking for another partner. In fact, I did not really want to get into a relationship because I was being sour, but W came into my life so naturally. I've been getting so many relationship questions on my ask.fm and it made me realise that when you stop looking, the right one will find you eventually. I'm grateful he did because he was and still is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

6. Time management is key.

I've an obsession with my calendar and I calculate the hours that I have to execute something so that I can fit in as many things into my schedule as possible. I personally hate being late and waiting and I used to have the worst habit of over-estimating the amount of travel time I need which results in me always being early. Not by 10 minutes but up to a 45mins or an hour. 

It took me a long time to fix this problem but I can safely say I'm getting the hang of it and now I spend a lot less time waiting and getting worked up for nothing. I'd say the only downside to this is that you cannot be as spontaneous as you would be if you didn't really have a schedule to keep to. It's not a huge issue to me as the people I surround myself with understand that planning my schedule in advance is important to me. 

7. Confidence can make or break your day. 

I'm not actually sure if it's because I want to constantly be photo ready or I've grown to be incredibly vain, but I don't like to leave home without make-up. Minimally, I would be doing my eyebrows because I've eyelash extensions which save me so much time (hop on over to beautywish if you wanna make an appointment with the wonderful Jocelyn!). I realised that taking the time and effort to dress myself up nicely and to put on some make-up always puts me in a better mood to head out. 

Particularly for school. 

When I can afford to take my time to have breakfast, shower and get ready for the day, I feel a lot more motivated to get my butt out of the house and I don't have the nagging feeling of wanting to go home. I like packing by bag and planning my outfit the night before so I can wake up feeling ready to actually prepare getting out of the house. 

It could just be me but, give it a try, take a little more time to get ready for the day and see if you feel a lot more confident and motivated. 

8. YOU WILL BE BROKE

Ever since I started uni, I would obviously have a lot less time to go for events or shoots, which meant a lot less spending power. Wanting to constantly look good comes with a cost, and I don't mean plastic surgery, I'm talking about make-up, eyebrow waxing and eyelash extensions. However, I've slowly grown accustomed to not splurging on online shops, but guess what, film school requires you to spend your own money on top of school fees. 

I'm sure other courses also have these 'hidden'/'extra' costs and for those of you who're in those courses, our empty wallets would really make good friends. 

9. You will feel lost.

Uni is scary, and made me question more things that I've ever questioned before. Why? Being in uni just makes me feel restrained, but graduating means.. finding a job. Additionally, when you are in an environment where you unknowingly become overly self concious and (for some reason) have people who don't care about you have strangely high expectations of you, you'll find yourself questioning whose happiness is more important.

Your own or other people's?

If you're happy doing whatever you want, they probably won't be very happy that you're doing whatever you want. If you do what they expect of you, you end up feeling like you did not achieve anything. I'm still at the point in my life where I'm searching for the middle.

10. You need to do what you love.

I said I was at the point where I'm trying to find the middle ground, but that doesn't mean I'd compromise my happiness for others. Yes, there are times where I would need to give in, but giving in to my friends and loved ones isn't what I'm talking about here. 

I'm talking about the people who you encounter and probably don't have much of a connection or relationship with. I'm not sure if it's normal or if I'm actually a selfish person, but I'm the kind of person who would need to have a relatively good relationship with someone before I feel I can comfortably put their happiness before mine. Either that or you must have one hell of a good reason for me to put my own happiness aside. So most of the time, I end up doing whatever I had wanted to do, as much as possible, not hurt anyone's feelings. 

Additionally, doing what you love also comes at a price. For example, juggling school and Tanglin hasn't been the easiest thing for me and thankfully, my character doesn't have as much screen time this season, which also means I'm missing set life (and everyone on set) so much more than I already am. At the very least, I still get to do what I love alongside what I need to do. 

One more academic year left and it's going to be full speed ahead! 

I hope you guys enjoy this post, I'm not really sure about what I was trying to achieve here, but like I said earlier; probably to let off some steam and hopefully engage people who are going through similar things? 

Once again, I know the issues I brought up here appear minor to some people, these obviously aren't the only issues I've faced. But for any of you reading this post and feel you kinda get what I'm going at and have experienced the same thing, at least you can now know that you aren't alone and we can all grow into better people together! 

So, till my next blogpost!

xx

Shayne