Midnight Musings: An Actress in Film School

Hey everyone,

I should start by saying that this post is gonna be VERY wordy!!

My WD hard drive is still in shambles so I probably will not be posting any vlogs until I get that fixed. In case you didn't know, my hard drive isn't working so all my raw footages from my vlogs and all my blog photos from the year 2015 are all GONE. Also, the template files that I use for my thumbnails and videos are gone too so I'm trying to cope with that loss for now.

So I haven't done one of these in a while, but I had such a hard time sleeping last night because my thesis film is just around the corner and it made me think about so many things. Particularly, the way some actors look at film students and how the film school environment has made me feel as an actor in film school.

Disclaimer: I'm not crying for attention, I don't mean to slander anyone of put anyone under the spot. These are purely my opinions and I feel I should be allowed to speak about them, if you aren't happy or disagree, feel free to click away and be on your merry way.

One of the first things I struggled with when I first came into film school was that I felt very judged the moment people started finding out that I acted outside. I felt almost cornered, most of the time by lecturers because I had missed class to film Tanglin. Just so you know I did bring the issue up to them and they'd say they would help but I didn't really feel very 'helped'. In fact, the few close friends that I've made in film school helped me more.

I'm a Production Design major and I think I'm sailing along pretty alright. Then again, it's sad that I had to give up all my acting gigs and auditions to focus on my final year. I haven't acted in a while and it made me realise that I enjoyed acting a lot and I can't wait to apply for auditions again once thesis is over.

Not only did I feel judged but hey, I couldn't help but feel a little out of place, which I guess I was but I'd say I tried to fit in as best as I could. I felt like certain lecturers painted actors in such a bad light. I think that is unfair because there are so many people that I've worked with that are so nice and willing to help student films. Obviously, I felt hurt that actors were being painted as 'divas' or 'scheming'. I personally think this goes BOTH ways. I felt disgusted that one of the first things they teach us in year one is that we have to be beware of actors.

Wow.

The next thing I realised was that this 'stigma' that was going on, also went both ways. I've recently met a few actors who really are entitled and put us actors in a bad light. When I started acting, I just happened to get a gig with a group of students who probably weren't creme de la creme. I should have been more understanding instead of complaining that they weren't prepared and all that. However, prior to that, I worked with wonderful groups of students so I guess my expectations were a little high then.

My point is that there will always be the students who aren't that amazing, but there will be students who are and no matter what, as an actor, the moment you agree to take on a student gig, you have that responsibility to help them grow. After all, you are working with what potentially is the future of our film industry. Why would you want to damage them with harsh criticism and your entitlement? That isn't going to encourage them to do better or encourage others to want to work with you.

I love working with student films, I know they don't pay amazingly, but hey, I love acting and they need actors and I'd like to try new characters and practice my craft so if my schedule permits, I'm down for a student production! I've had a group of students from Ngee Ann Poly that I've absolutely enjoyed working with time and time again. I'm proud of them and I'm honoured that they kept calling me back. You guys know who you are.

I started off this post with a fair bit of anger and hatred in my system because I felt my fellow group mates and the juniors who are helping me were treated with a lot of sarcasm and a fair bit of animosity. I would like to know his end of the story because I don't fell anyone should be spoken to like that and his words stemmed from egotism and a lot of self-entitlement, which I absolutely HATE in an actor.

If you don't want to work with a student film, please kindly decline the gig. We would rather you decline it because we can't pay you enough, instead of you mind-fucking your way into our production and causing a whole lot of problems. Your attitude affects the morality of my crew and you affect the way I see you as a professional, of course I'm going to assume that you do not care here because you think you have the upper hand which is a real disgrace and I hope I never have to work with you again in the future, as an actor or as a crew.

Now that it's out of the way, I'm going to head to school because I've flats to paint for next week's film and they aren't going to paint themselves~ Till my next blogpost!

xx

Shayne